I did not report

Few people know this, but I am terrified of bathroom fans. It’s better now that I am older and know where it comes from, but as a child if you turned on a bathroom fan I would have a total panic attack. Turn out the lights and turn on a bathroom fan and I’m a pile of mush. I’m not good with any type of fan, really, hood fans, air conditioners.. not as bad but not great…

The other day there was a hashtag trending-  #ididnotreport I read through a few of the stories and got, I dunno.. shaken.. and left the house.. 4 hours early. The problem is that we’re normal, we aren’t abnormal at all. How many of us have these stories?

For it to happen to me when I was 3 or 4, again at 8, assaulted at 18 and then again at 19.. and these are REAL ones -not the stupid shit boys do (that still eats your soul).

The worst for me was the 2 years I spent with someone who made me pay for what had happened to me. 2 years of being called a whore and a slut, I was young and insecure, like we all are. Now he would get his teeth knocked in.. but those 2 years scarred me more than anything else. The word ‘slut’ is a bathroom fan. I doubt it is just me. The word gets used because it has power.

Which is why slutwalks anger me so much. The word is NOT ok. I don’t want it back. I want the word to be taboo. I want it to be like any racist or bigoted term. When you use the word, I can sit back and decide you are an ignorant jerk. It’s not my word. Why do you think Limbaugh used it?

This is 2012. This is the state we are in. Women everywhere have these stories. We are labelled these awful terms because of birth control pills? Really? We shouldn’t still be fighting for these rights; we shouldn’t have a ‘Women’s Day’. What the fuck is that? We need a day for half the fucking planet? We ARE half the fucking planet! This is bullshit and it needs to stop. That isn’t some small group that should need protection.. why are we still at this point?

And then there was #RIPAmina, a girl commited suicide after she was forced to marry her rapist. We are reading these stories of what happened to us.. opening wounds and then to think that someone would be forced to marry the person that did this to them.. it’s heartbreaking. And then this:

Violence Against Women: 40 Per Cent Of Men In Alberta Poll Say Women ‘Put Themselves At Risk For Rape’

This is the state of the world we live in. We can keep pretending that it is just us, that we are alone, but the sad truth is, that for too many of us, this is normal..